I declare myself to be a strict constructionist

I have a confession. For years I have treated my Ikea instructions as a living document. I have used the projects assigned to me by my wife to advance my own activist political agenda. I have given no respect to the original intent of the designers of my Varde bedroom set. I have used tools that did not appear in the pictograms. I have applied phillips where they called for flatheads. I have undertaken step 8 before finishing steps 5, 6, and 7. And I have never ever fastened my bookshelf to the wall. I have come to see the error in my ways. It is only by adhering to the instructions provided to me by the founding Swedes that I will be able to achieve the domestic bliss pictured in the 2006 Ikea catalog. Through this new philosophy, I hope to soon have a stylish Scandinavian house with inventive storage spaces for my bottles of lingonberry soda. However, I can not comment on any future home improvement projects that may come before me in the next term.