When we believe in AdSpeak, the enemies of freedom and civilization have already won.

The Bush Administration is looking for a new slogan for what’s commonly referred to as The War on Terror. They’ve determined that the overemphasis on “war” and “terror” doesn’t quite send the right brand message. Lately, they have been ramping up the use of words like “struggle” and “violent extremism”. National Security Advisor Steven Hadley is quoted in the NY Times saying, “We need to dispute both the gloomy vision and offer a positive alternative”. I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling better about Iraq already!

Yuan a make a bet?

Some people like stamps. Me… I loves me the sexy world of currencies and exchange rates! So when I heard that China had decided to revalue the Yuan, I decided to go down to my local currency exchange (where else!) to meet other like-minded amateur-macroeconomists. I was all like, “Man, is this better than Bretton Woods, or what?!” And they were like, “Either make a purchase or step out of line, sir”. I was all, “Hey buddy, wasn’t that cool when Nixon took us off the gold standard?” My new friend replied, “Listen, I need $2.50 to get on the Metra train ’cause my car broke down”. I gave him the money (he promised he’ll send it to me in the mail!), and as he left I called after him, “Watch out for when they start issuing really large denominations, because that’s a sure sign a devaluation is going to follow soon after.”

Congratulations! Can I take off this bracelet now?

Exclusive interview with the 2005 Tour de France Winner.
The American Sector: What’s the secret, Lance?
Lance Armstrong: The secret?
AS: Yeah, you seem to have it pretty figured out.
LA: The secret, I don’t know… I guess you’ve just gotta find something you love to do and then… do it for the rest of your life. For me, it’s winning insanely long bicycle races.

I’ve Got You, Potter!

So I was able to find a copy of the new Harry Potter book on Saturday (whew!). Since I was out of town, I’m not sure of the situation at bookstores in Chicago…but there were plenty of copies in a certain town dominated by the Dutch Reform Church. Who knew they were such good Catholics? As for the book – our little critic’s review is under embargo until the NY Times decides whether or not to run it this Sunday. But with a little prying, I have managed to get these off-the-record blurbs from an anonymous source close to the reader: “I finished chapter one, and it’s really cool!”, “Snape is really bad in this book!”, and “Can I watch cartoons before bedtime?” I’m sure Rowling is pacing her bedroom waiting impatiently for the morning papers.

Keillor Watch: Day 14

He’s back! Garrison Keillor once again graces the Op-Ed pages of the Chicago Tribune. Hard hitting as ever, this week’s installment focuses on the pleasures of licorice ice tea and air conditioning. Just like his debut two weeks ago, you’re sure to walk away from this article thinking differently about the insurgency in Iraq, the state of our schools, and the John Roberts nomination. This is what opinion journalism is all about.

Update! Eric Zorn confirms on his blog that Keillor’s column is now on permanent rotation at the Trib. Sweet lord…

You’ve got to break some eggs to make a physics superblog.

It will be ok…Traffic and Cream died too. But Blind Faith rose from the ashes.

One of my favorite blogs is no more. Sean Carroll has thrown in the towel at Preposterous Universe. The silver lining: He has joined forces with other talented and like-minded physicists/bloggers at a new supergroup blog called Cosmic Variance. And don’t worry if you flunked science – in addition to inside jokes about dark matter and string theory (Har!), they promise ongoing coverage of Brad and Angelina. I’m serious.

I am so out of here.

The destination.

The heat is headed for Chicago this weekend, so I am off to cooler climes. This time, I’m bringing my camera and notepad, so I hope to bring you the hard hitting coverage you’ve come to expect from my vacation time. Have a nice weekend.

Yet another thing to worry about.

As the parent of a 10 year old – this is a high pressure weekend. You see, I didn’t pre-order a copy of the new Harry Potter book and I’m scared to death that I am not going to find one to buy. I suspect that would be a big problem…as I am reminded 10 times a day of it’s imminent release. Now I find out that the Pope is turning into the new Lord Voldemort and getting all down on me for blurring the lines between “good” and “evil”. Listen here, Ratzo – you don’t know what you’re messing with here. You’re welcome to come on over and try to explain it to the little one. Good luck.

And I will rain coffee and doughnuts down upon him.

We’re ready for your closeup, Mr. Skilling

Imagine interning for meteoroligist Tom Skilling! Well, now is my big chance. Yes, I know this WGN-TV internship is designed for students interested in pursuing a career in meteorology, but I’m sure that it would be a perfect fit for a public radio producer in the midst of mid-career crisis. Ok, I understand the position requires either a major or minor in meteorology or atmospheric science, but my tremendous enthusiasm for sunny summer days (along with my long simmering non-sexual crush on Tom Skilling) should make me a leading candidate. While my duties would include climate research, operating the database, gathering important information and editing text for the show and or Tribune Weather Page, and answering the phone – I know in my heart what Tom is really looking for is a sidekick…a friend…someone like me – who will work two days a week for free. Plus I could really use the college credit.

I can take no credit for this.

But it’s pure genius.

Do you remember when Charles Manson stole Helter Skelter from the Beatles, but then U2 stole it back and saved the world? Well, in similar dramatic fashion, Justin Kaufmann can now be crowned the Robin Hood of blogging for stealing back Separated at Birth jokes from the dustbins of humor. Other notable entries: R. Kelly v. Tigger, Mayor Daley v. Jack Black, and Charlie Trotter v. Harry Potter. Enjoy.